Up down all around will I ever land on solid ground?

My life my life my life is so crazy it makes even me dizzy! I wake up every morning these days and I wonder ok so what will today bring. For most people that is the fun part of the day for a stability craving freak like me that is my daily kiss of death. For the last couple of years I have felt semi stable. Sure there are moments when life is chaotic but I deal. The past three weeks though WOW can we just say that after my vacation to New York my life has been in a downward spiral. I came back to find out that a person I trusted as a friend had betrayed me starting a chain of events that has rocked my life. In the end what it all boiled down to is that my life needed a change and so I decided to move to Dallas. If only making that decision was the end of it. I tried like crazy to get an apartment but was turned down at every pass. Let me just say never commit a felony in Texas if you know what is good for you! Sure I paid my time to the state but now I have to pay for one stupid mistake every time I want to get an apartment or a job or anything that requires a background check. I mean they will let me vote but not live in an apartment complex. I can take care of my three year old child, I can fly, I can leave the country, I can help determine who our next president will be BUT I can't have a decent job or live next door to you. FOR THE LOVE and they wonder why the recidivism rate in Texas is the highest in the country. So I can't find a place to live in Dallas but you know what it is ok. I know now that it was all for the good of my life. I am not supposed to go back to Dallas that is not where I need to be. I am now considering Vegas in the future but for now I am making a real effort to find a job in Odessa. That too is hard since this is the scene of my crime. Almost 14 years ago you think that people would forget it by now and give me a second chance but well I don't know that life works that way. I went to see the project RIO (re-integration of Offenders) guy today which was a good thing because he gave me a few helpful tools in attaining a job when you have a felony. The down side is I had to relive my crime. That is hard. I feel ashamed. I feel sad. My penance is to forever know that I was apart of a moment in time that hurt somebody. I deal and move on. So today was one of those days when I just wonder will I ever be okay? Will I ever wake up with enough money in my bank account, good health insurance, have a job I love, be at a place in life that is solid ground? Is there such a thing as solid ground or is this just what life is the moments that happen each day that we live. I ponder these thoughts Then my daughter walks in and says "what you bought me new...what me can have" with her little doll baby face covered in spaghetti and I think damn I am lucky! Who needs solid ground I have a life worth living and though it gets bumpy some days there are days when I wake up and get a kiss from an angel and all I can say is I'd live a 1000 days of misery to just wake up one more day to those piercing blue eyes, messy mass of curls and slightly pungent breath an inch from my barely awake face saying "gamornin mommy I love you" yeah those are the moments in life that make it all worth it! I guess I better go she wants a pink piece of cake that I bought her at wal-mart! So till next time...remember it is all what you make of it!